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By Colby Kultgen

Living Fully in Difficult Times, Outsourcing Your Happiness, and Serving Self-Imposed Sentences

Read online / Read time: 4 minutes

A question I've been wrestling with

This week, a close friend said something rude to me.

I wish I could say that I brushed it off and got on with my day.

But that’s not true.

I let it get under my skin—and stay there longer than I’d like to admit.

When I asked myself why, something uncomfortable came up.

I realized I was waiting for them to make it right—to say the perfect thing, to apologize, to somehow restore my sense of peace.

But when you need someone else to behave a certain way for you to feel okay, you’ve given them power they were never meant to have.

It’s uncomfortable, but it’s true:

Every time you pin your happiness on a partner, a boss, a friend, or a number in your bank account, you hand over the keys to your own life.

You make your well-being conditional—dependent on forces outside of yourself.

And then you wonder why you feel stuck. Or resentful. Or hollow.

If you’re feeling unfulfilled, ask yourself:
Where am I outsourcing responsibility for my happiness?

And more importantly—how can I start taking it back?

An idea that made me rethink guilt

This concept hit me like a brick.

In Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, Lori Gottlieb frames guilt in a way I hadn’t considered before:

The "self-imposed sentences" we give ourselves.

When we feel guilty about something we've done, we often subconsciously decide how long we “should” suffer as a form of self-punishment.

Instead of forgiving ourselves or moving forward, we assign ourselves a kind of invisible prison sentence:

• “Because I hurt someone, I must feel guilty for the rest of my life.”
• “Because I made a mistake, I have to keep paying for it.”

Gottlieb points out that people often don't realize they've sentenced themselves—and even after they've served their "time," they stay trapped by guilt, shame, or regret because they never consciously decided to let themselves out.

My key takeaway from this:​
You don't have to suffer indefinitely to prove you feel bad.

At some point, you’re allowed to acknowledge the harm, make amends if possible, learn from it—and move forward.

At some point, you have to let yourself out.

So I'll leave you with this question:

What self-imposed sentence are you serving that you need to let go of?

A video every creator needs to see - Pharrell Williams' priceless reaction to song​

I always love coming back to this video.

In 2016, Pharrell Williams visited a music production class at NYU to critique student songs.

Most students were understandably nervous—after all, Pharrell isn’t just a hitmaker; he’s one of the most respected creative minds in the world.

One student, a young artist named Maggie Rogers, nervously played her song, "Alaska."

Pharrell listened closely.

When the track ended, he paused, then said:

Watching that moment again got me thinking:

Creativity isn’t just a talent or a hobby—it’s an essential part of being human.

Every single person has something amazing inside them worth bringing into the world.

It could be a song.
It could be a business.
It could be a piece of writing, a painting, a story, an idea.

The sad truth?
Most people never answer that instinct.

They edit themselves before they even start.

They assume they have nothing original to offer.

They spend their lives consuming what others create—instead of building what only they could bring into the world.

But the magic—the thing that moves people—is in what only you can make.

Don't rob the world of it.

P.S. I know this sounds a bit cheesy, but I couldn't be more serious.

A powerful reminder in difficult times

I love this.

In our current political climate, it's so easy to fall into fear, cynicism, and despair.

You scroll the news, and it feels like everything is on fire.

It’s tempting to freeze—or to spiral.

But there’s a better way:

Despair feeds the systems you want to change.

Joy and action break their grip.

On a lighter note

If you enjoyed this issue, please:

1. Reply telling me why
2. Share it with someone else

Have a great week!

—Colby

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